I just found out that Jimmy is sick, like throwing up sick...ugh! I CANNOT come down with anything, my mother is visiting this weekend, and I don't think she would be too happy if I was half conscious because of illness. Jimmy seems happy enough, so maybe it was something he ate. We'll find out tomorrow...should be a fabulous day... woo hoo...

I survived my first day without Josiah...it was depressing, but what can ya do? Hamsters die, and they tend to do it in a short amount of time. I only really cried once today which is pretty good for me! I think my employers are going to let me get a dog, which would help! I just need fur in my life, and it has to be fur that belongs to me. I must name it and care for it, that's very important to me for some reason. It won't make me miss Jo any less, but a dog would be nice. Now the trick is finding a small breed that can deal with small children...that may be a challenge.


posted by Tracy 20:27

I keep looking up on the top of my dresser expecting to see the purple cage sitting there, but it's not. I had to simply put Jo's little sleeping box in a trash bag with him in it. I really didn't have anything else I could do with him. I couldn't bury him in the back yard since we rent this house....I feel really bad that I just basically threw him away. I wanted to give him a viking funeral, but I probably would have gotten in trouble for setting something on fire and launching it on the Missouri River. There are most likely laws against that.

I'm really upset over this! Come on Tracy it was a rodent, and he didn't even like you all that much! But still he was mine, and I will miss him. I hadn't even held him in at least a week...I'm such a bad pet owner. At least a bad hamster owner.


posted by Tracy 18:24

Josiah "Jo" the Wonder Hamster: Sometime in December 2002-March 30, 2004

Let us all have a moment of silence for dear little Josiah, my beloved hamster....I found him in his cage, a lifeless lump of fur around 1:15, Tuesday March 30, 2004. I didn't even get to say good-bye, I didn't even check on him last night, and for all I know, that's when he died. I never thought I would cry over a stupid rodent, but I loved that annoying little thing. And now he's gone. I banged on his cage, poked him with a pen, yelled at him, shook his sleeping area, but nothing....so sad. My baby's kicked the bucket. He's not just tired out after prolonged squawk, not resting....he's stone dead....and now I'm not sure what to do with him. Why is it so disturbing to touch something that's dead? Or maybe it's just disturbing for me....

Funny thing is, I knew that he was going to die this week...I just had this feeling, and last night I was trying to think about what I would do when he did die. And right before I checked on him, I had this dreaded feeling that he was no longer with us. I'm so weird...so anyway, shed a little tear for me, and little Jo, and if you think about and have time, call me and make me laugh. I need to laugh. : (


posted by Tracy 13:30

Happy Monday! It's thundering which is making me smile, and if you're smiling on a Monday...it's a good thing! Not much new to report, it was a good weekend. I had a little time to myself and a little time with people. I was the only one who made it to church last night, so the pastor's family and I sang the whole time. That was just crazy fun! We actually didn't sound half bad together, it was just really cool.

Well off I go to do the dishes...woo hoo...


posted by Tracy 13:29

I hate computers...they never boot up fast enough, they never listen to you...then there's the popup ads...I don't care that I'm the 420 gazillionth person to visit the website, I don't care about your 8,000 damn smileys that I can download for free...every one of them most likely infected with a virus that's going to cause my computer to be slower than it already is. I just want to check my e-mail, and hear a stupid screech owl call, so I can go to bed!!!!!!!!!! Sorry a little stressed and a little tired. I got home from fencing class, and as I was walking up to the house I heard the strangest animal sound I had ever heard in my life. It completely freaked me out, I thought something was coming to attack me. The sounds were calling to each other, and I was sure that Sydney and Tim were going to find me on the back patio mutilated beyond recognition in the morning. So I had to find out what it was, and while I was in the shower, I figured out that it could have been a screech owl...so I looked it up, and sure enough I'm almost positve that's what it was. Aren't ya'll proud of me?? I figured it out all by myself...I'm such a dork.

Fencing was great, it's going to be so much fun. I thought I was going to die during the exercises today, but I'll be okay. We have a small friendly class, except for the snotty 12 year old who came with his mom. I'm really excited about the next ten weeks! Good times good times!

Well off to bed I go...it'w waaaayyyy past my bedtime.


posted by Tracy 23:50

So here I am at home, when I should be at church. I'm using the excuse that I'm not feeling well, and I wouldn't want to bring sickness into a home that has a new baby in it. And that's very true to some extent, but when it all comes down to it, I just didn't feel like going. I'm such a heathen. It's not that I don't like my church, I just have a hard time dragging myself there on Sunday night when I've had a full weekend. I don't want to make the twenty minute drive to sit in a living room with twenty others....I'm so bad. I'm not quite sure what to do about that, I should probably go back to trying to find a church in Leavenworth, which is in the plans anyway. I just don't want to leave the people I've grown to love in Weston, but it seems like every Sunday I go, they're welcoming me back because I haven't been there in a week or two...or a month... I've never been this bad about going to church. It's a little unsettling if you ask me.

So while I'm not in church, what AM I doing? I'm shopping online, with money that exists, but doesn't exist for those purposes. One should not deposit $831 into Tracy's checking account...that one being the US Department of Treasury. I'm supposed to be paying bills and getting my car fixed with that money. Instead I'm buying nifty books about Early Slavic culture, and painting my own pottery at Crown Center. All very useful, and therapeutic things, but not what I'm supposed to be doing.....I wonder if I can duct tape the belt that's about to break in my car.....

Oh, just in case you're wondering my bank cleared up the 5 grand mishap, and all funds were returned to my account which was such a relief. I had money in there for the weekend, and it's all better now. Woo hoo!

I start my fencing class on Thursday which is really exciting! I've really missed it since I took it a couple of years ago. I hope that the teacher knows what they're doing. We'll see, I've heard that there are many bad ways to teach fencing, and it's rather common....we'll see.

In less than two weeks my mother will be flying into the area....could be interesting. I've never spent the weekend with my mother before, and I have to admit I'm a tad nervous about it. We're staying at the Westin downtown, and I'm not exactly sure what we're going to do all weekend besides shop. I don't mind shopping, but there has to be other ways to fill up the time. She's not much of a museum type, and I really don't want to go to the Casinos...I don't think she'd like that anyway. Oh well...I'll figure something out, but it WILL be a tad awkward I think.


posted by Tracy 18:24

There is a freakin' huge fly in my room, and I don't like him. He's now decided to perch himself on my wall, but before that he kept flying around my head. How annoying.

My new crisis is I made a mistake on an online payment to my credit card company earlier this week. I typed in 5000.00 instead of 50.00....but I thought I had cancelled it. Unfortunately, it went through anyway, so now my checking account has gone majorally negative. So I've been calling the powers that be to set it right...I'm not sure I have any money to do anything with at the moment...which really sucks. I know it will eventually clear up, but I have bills that need to be paid this weekend...ugh! I hate money!

Not much else to say, I think I'm going to go to bed. I think I'm coming down with whatever Jimmy had all weekend...I hope that it doesn't get any worse. I would like to have a weekend....


posted by Tracy 19:56

Oh my goodness! Jimmy just said my name! He said it clear as day, Tim told him to say it and he did! I was so excited! Just had to share that!


posted by Tracy 19:45

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!! I actually got "corrected" today for dressing Jimmy like a Protestant! Go figure. I put him in orange, because I liked the shirt, and I couldn't find any green. It was actually quite amusing when Tim said something to me about it. We finally decided that since he's half protestant it was okay! : ) The kids also got sunburnt which was the last last thing I was expecting to happen in the middle of March in Kansas. We at least had fun at the parade. I've never been to a St. Patrick's Day parade before, so that was really cool. I love St. Patrick's Day!

It feels like it's Thursday. Kind of annoying, since it isn't....it's been a long week. Jimmy's been under the weather which makes things a tad stressful. He had a fever for most of the day today, holding him was like holding a kerosene heater...he was fine before we went to the parade which was why we went. It probably wasn't the best idea overall though. He was really cranky, and obviously miserable when we got home.

Whatever happened to the days when I was entertaining? I haven't a clue. I used to write really fun blog entries, but lately...it's just sad...I need to work on this.


posted by Tracy 19:31

Ah the beauty of having a laptop! I'm not confined to my bedroom...it's so nice. Jimmy decided to nap early today, he's kind of sick, and very cranky. So I'm sitting in the nursery with Molly who's playing happily with her wind chimes, and also sneezing up a storm...my goodness! I figured I could just bring the computer in here, and do some internet stuff while she's being a cheerful little independent person. She's very good at this most of the time. I think both these kids are introverts...although they're still young, so who knows what will they will turn out to be.

I had a wonderful weekend, I was around people every second, but it was okay. I was just really tired yesterday, but I will recover shortly I'm sure. Ruthanne and I spent Friday and Saturday together, and did normal crazy things!
: P And then Melissa and I spent Saturday night and Sunday together, and that was good fun too. She introduced me to the wonderful world of Peirogis...I have no clue if I spelled that correctly. But they were good, and went well with our plethora of conversation. We just couldn't shut up. Whoa...

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's day which is kind of exciting. Leavenworth actually has a parade which is kind of strange, but fun! The kids and I are going to walk down to watch it. I don't think there is a particulary high concentration of Irish folk here, but they have a parade anyway. My mother actually sent me a St. Pat's gift...kind of odd as well, I haven't opened it yet though. I have this weird thing with only wanting to open such gifts on the day they are meant for. Or at least I try to be that way. Jimmy and I are going to make green cupcakes tomorrow..well it will most likely be me making the cupcakes and Jimmy wanting to put his hands in the batter....could be fun. Holidays make nannying all the more fun, because you can do crazy things and it's all justified! : )

I could take a nap myself...but that's hard with Molly being up and very alert! So I won't. I'll just play with her until she falls asleep again. Then I'll go get things cleaned up while Jimmy's out....such is my life...oh well.



posted by Tracy 10:42

So I'm all excited! I just got my federal taxes done! I did them all by myself...well I e-filed them anyway, which means an online program did them, but I put all the numbers in! Woo hoo! For those of you who are wondering why in the world I'm so excited about this...well I've never done my own taxes before, so this is pretty cool for me. Yes, the littlest things thrill me. I still have my state stuff to do, but that's okay, I've actually started this stuff...this is a good thing!

Today was a great day. I only really had to work until noon! This rarely happens, so it was very cheerful. Jimmy had an audiology appointment, and they decided to take Molly with them. I'm not exactly sure why that seemed so much easier to them, but hey, I'm not going to complain! I got four hours to myself totally randomly! So I basically stressed about money for those four hours, which wasn't so great, but I did get some not so stressful time in. Tomorrow it's back to normal, which really is fine with me! It's just fun to have a half day every once in awhile!

I think it got up to 70 degrees today, which is so nuts, but I guess we are heading into spring. It's so hard to believe that this year is nearly a fourth over already. It's even harder to believe that I turn 25 in 32 days! Whoa....


posted by Tracy 20:20

Strange men should not approach girls and ask if they would like some company...at least not girls like me. Yeah, I'm sitting down at the landing watching the river, trying to write, and cherish my alone time, and this guy comes up to me and asks if I walk there often. I replied with a single yes and tried to go back to what I was doing, then he asks if I would like to walk with him. Hello? I politely refused, and he left. He was probably harmless, but nevertheless it freaked me out and I left. He ruined my solitude, but my mother taught me not to talk to strangers, and even though I'm nearly 25, it's still a good rule. I watch the news! I know what happens, there was no-one else down there, so if it would have turned out that he wasn't harmless who knows what could have happened. I was a little irritated, and now I'm a little apprehensive about going down to the landing alone, I've never been afraid to be there alone. But then again, I should know that Leavenworth isn't the safest town in the world, it's not incredibly dangerous, but there is quite a bit of crime. So yeah, I think I need to invest in some mace, or maybe stun gun..ooh that would be fun!

Little things are just setting me off today. I got this printer, and I can't get it to work, I tend to have the worst luck with printers. I can't find my package tape, my room is in complete disarray, and I'm feeling very incompetent. Ugh! Why do my emotions have to go haywire on such a beautiful day as this?


posted by Tracy 17:43

Happy Saturday, I have yet to come out of my room today. I'm such a hermit sometimes! I am enjoying the much needed rest though. That's a good thing I think.

Not a whole lot has happened. I survived a full five day week of work, the first one in about two weeks...it's a hard life I know. I went to another SCA meeting last night, although this one was more difficult for me than the last two. We met at a member's house, so it was a bit closer quarters, and I felt the need to hide in the corner and leave early. The people that usually talk to me weren't there, and everyone else pretty much has their own friends and are kind of oblivious to new people. I guess I could have tried a little harder, but it's a little difficult to do that when you're pretty much paralyzed with anxiety. They don't meet there that often, so next week it will be back to normal, and hopefully the herald dude will be there with the name books so I can get going on my persona. I've been trying to do it on my own, but I'm a little clueless I'm afraid.

Tonight I'm babysitting so Tim and Sydney can go out. So at least I won't be a complete and total loser for staying home. I think I'm going to watch some movies tonight, and get some writing done, maybe even attempt to do my taxes. I have to file in both Ohio and Kansas which kind of sucks. It makes things all the more difficult for me. This is my first doing my own taxes, and I haven't a clue really how to do them. But we'll give it a go and see what happens. I have all the forms now, so all that's left to do is try. Woo hoo...


posted by Tracy 13:42

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